dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
