Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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