i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
