I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Still dying that you shit outside
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
