True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
