Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
how does that bad decision feel?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
