just survived the first fart of the relationship.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
