Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
