Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I cockslap morals
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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