one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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