Define "chronic" masturbator.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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