He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
