This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
