I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
