Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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