I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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