I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's rum buckets o'clock
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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