When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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