I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
