***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
