Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So much Jack, so little girl.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
