Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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