420 ftw
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm way too hungover for life right now
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
