i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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