She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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