I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
