I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
