you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
