you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
