So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
