I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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