Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
