Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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