1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
