Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
