That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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