So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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