you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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