he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize