like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
