i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
