when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
