Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
