East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
