Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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