1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I need to align my fucking chakras
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
