So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
