I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
