i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
