I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
