You just made me feel so damn special
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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