Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
they're like a gay fantastic four
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
