I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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