This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Everclear isn't food dammit
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
