I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
