Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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