Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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