You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
