i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
