Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
