Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
