angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
