as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
