SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
