He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
