Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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