I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
