i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
