yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
