bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
