apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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