Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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