would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
