Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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