you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
