i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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