Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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